The Gene That Sneaks In
Last week, in my counseling class, we were handed our "take-home" mid term tests. We took them home and brought them back so we could discuss and grade them in class, each one of us grading ourselves on each answer. Each of the 25 questions could have had at least 2 primary answers and several secondary answers and the teachers said we took one point for each correct primary answer.
As we were grading, there were some questions where I didn't have both primary answers. Old habits die hard and the girl who [almost] stood first in class kicked in trying to justify secondary answers as primary answers so she could get that extra point. We're aiming for a 100% aren't we!
Then two realizations hit:
1. We were allowed to skip 5 questions....so if I missed out on points it wouldn't really hurt my grade. Er, yeah.
Then a deeper insight:
2. So what if I don't get that 100% on paper. Not like anyone else is gonna get it. Um....
Even deeper:
3. Let go stupid. Getting 100% doesn't mean anything. Just grade it as it is and go home. No biggie.
Sigh.
Growing up, coming first in class was so important to me. Don't get me wrong, I never came first. Always second or third. Sometimes even fourth (Om my God!). But it became a bad habit to keep trying to reach towards the first rank and I forgot to be happy for having passed (not passing was never an option). And then, one year, I had a bout of chronic malaria and flunked Math. Math, for which I had won the ICSE prize. Math, my favorite topic. Can you believe that?
It wasn't acceptable at all and I gave myself a lot of grief about it, set about waking up at 5am everyday to go to Math tuition and was satisfied only when I got 90-something in the next round of exams. So compulsive.
So this time when I was grading my counseling skills paper, the dirty little competitive gene showed up again. I wanted to beat it down Tom-and-Jerry style -- bonk it on the head repeatedly until it shattered, but as the questions rolled on, the popped up again.
I guess I am gonna have to live with it.
As we were grading, there were some questions where I didn't have both primary answers. Old habits die hard and the girl who [almost] stood first in class kicked in trying to justify secondary answers as primary answers so she could get that extra point. We're aiming for a 100% aren't we!
Then two realizations hit:
1. We were allowed to skip 5 questions....so if I missed out on points it wouldn't really hurt my grade. Er, yeah.
Then a deeper insight:
2. So what if I don't get that 100% on paper. Not like anyone else is gonna get it. Um....
Even deeper:
3. Let go stupid. Getting 100% doesn't mean anything. Just grade it as it is and go home. No biggie.
Sigh.
Growing up, coming first in class was so important to me. Don't get me wrong, I never came first. Always second or third. Sometimes even fourth (Om my God!). But it became a bad habit to keep trying to reach towards the first rank and I forgot to be happy for having passed (not passing was never an option). And then, one year, I had a bout of chronic malaria and flunked Math. Math, for which I had won the ICSE prize. Math, my favorite topic. Can you believe that?
It wasn't acceptable at all and I gave myself a lot of grief about it, set about waking up at 5am everyday to go to Math tuition and was satisfied only when I got 90-something in the next round of exams. So compulsive.
So this time when I was grading my counseling skills paper, the dirty little competitive gene showed up again. I wanted to beat it down Tom-and-Jerry style -- bonk it on the head repeatedly until it shattered, but as the questions rolled on, the popped up again.
I guess I am gonna have to live with it.
posted by apoorvi at
2:58 PM
1 Comments:
This post makes me ill. ICSE prize in Math!! Second, third and god forbid fourth in class !!! How in god's name do we even know each other !
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