Show me the way

I always had the opinion that suicide needed a lot of strength. I always thought that I never had the guts to do it or seriously want it. But earlier this month I realised that Life needs much more strength than suicide. When it feels really dark and you feel stuck, holding on with hope is tough.

I was holding off writing this post and then thought why not. This is a tough period, so let's just accept it. I don't think I have the courage to kill myself and leave a mess behind. I'd rather live and focus on living well. But show me the strength.

I really admire people who can smile and laugh at everything. The truth is that I have been denying an undertone of depression that has probably been with me for a long long time. It all exploded and hit me in the face this time. Living with fear is not worth it. But then you have to learn how to live in freedom, something that I missed or chose not to do.

I want to do it now. I know it's the only way. I know life otherwise is not worth it. I know all this intellectually. How do I do it?