break it down

i had mentioned somewhere earlier that 2008 will be an interesting year. i had a feeling, some signs. well so far, it's been quite ride.

i've got so far
- a knee pain that comes and goes....working on it
- a mysterious back problem for 4 months that caused a lot of agony and fright -- seems to be better right now
- a massive spasm in my neck from which my right arm still hurts. can't find a comfortable position to sleep.
- insomnia for 5 straight weeks where i slept about 1 hour each night
- loads of doctors, therapists, ayurvedics, homeopaths, all trying to tell me it's gonna be okay and trying to offer their opinion
- a heartbreak that was brought on by illness, fear, insecurity, and a whole horde of confusing emotions
- a cold and fever that just adds to the restlessness

when it rains, it pours. and being a worrier doesn't help. it's not a good idea to write about yr problems. it doesn't take things off yr mind. but what the heck. why not. to top it all, i haven't made it to the beauty salon, now everyone knows how hairy i am.

but the one thing that's happened is that these events have "brought me home". i've handed myself over to my parents who're looking after me like i'm their 1 yr old baby. no one, no one can look after you the way your parents do.

i cry when i want. laugh when i want. shout at them in annoyance. ask for food. shamelessly wake them up at night. it's because i can. i've finally let go of the resistances and when everything is over, if i have to think of one thing i gained from it all, it is the dissolving of the barriers that i created around me for so long. what patient people i say.

i heart mom and dad.