Digital Monopoly

We brought a new Monopoly. We had our cute little family evening where we played and ripped each other apart. Monopoly brings back memories of the hours spent with friends and siblings. But the new version has changed....

1. Railway stations replaced with airports
2. New hotspots of London are now on board
3. No more ships and irons as coins....now we have cell phones, aeroplanes and f1 cars
4. NO PAPER MONEY -- each one of us gets a debit card and an electroic device adds/removes money. This was a let down for me -- the machine is annoying and it feels like you're sitting next to an ATM. Also, being the banker is now work and not fun AND you can no longer cheat.

I went thru a phase where I thought Monopoly was evil mostly because my highly competitive friends who argue over one stupid deal for 30 minutes and end up fighting continuing to sulk for the rest of the day. Why would you want to PLAY something that creates conflict like that?

As always I lost. My little rollerblade coin barely moved away from taxes ad jail and i was soon broke. A sign that I shouldn't play or that I will never rollerblade.

Show me the way

I always had the opinion that suicide needed a lot of strength. I always thought that I never had the guts to do it or seriously want it. But earlier this month I realised that Life needs much more strength than suicide. When it feels really dark and you feel stuck, holding on with hope is tough.

I was holding off writing this post and then thought why not. This is a tough period, so let's just accept it. I don't think I have the courage to kill myself and leave a mess behind. I'd rather live and focus on living well. But show me the strength.

I really admire people who can smile and laugh at everything. The truth is that I have been denying an undertone of depression that has probably been with me for a long long time. It all exploded and hit me in the face this time. Living with fear is not worth it. But then you have to learn how to live in freedom, something that I missed or chose not to do.

I want to do it now. I know it's the only way. I know life otherwise is not worth it. I know all this intellectually. How do I do it?